⚠️ 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁'𝘀 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴
(And I recognise the signs—because I once showed up to work while bleeding)
A manager called me in after weeks of frustration.
↳ A team member was missing deadlines
↳ Quiet in meetings
↳ Slow to respond
↳ And the team was losing patience
On paper, it looked like underperformance.
But something felt off.
I’ve dealt with hundreds of performance issues - and this didn’t track.
The avoidance wasn’t strategic.
The silence wasn’t defensive.
It looked like burnout. But deeper.
And I know from experience—when trauma is involved, people won’t open up to someone who controls their salary.
They need space.
Neutrality.
Safety.
So I stepped in - not just as HR, but as someone who knows the difference between laziness and collapse.
I’ve studied this, formally and through lived experience.
One of the most common behaviours following grief, miscarriage, or anxiety disorders is withdrawal.
But when managers don’t know the signs, they interpret it as attitude.
And that’s how mistakes happen.
We push people when we should pause.
We escalate when we should investigate.
I didn’t want that to happen here.
So I arranged a quiet, off-the-record wellbeing conversation.
No formal agenda.
No power dynamic.
Just me, listening—with no assumptions.
And what they told me still sits in my chest.
They’d been suffering with insomnia and panic attacks.
Their partner had miscarried five weeks earlier.
They hadn’t told anyone.
They were terrified it would affect how they were seen at work.
I’ve been in that seat.
Over a decade ago, I miscarried.
And my boss responded by piling on more pressure.
They knew.
And they chose to ignore it.
I remember what it felt like to turn up in pain - and be made to feel invisible.
That’s why I now lead the way I do.
Here’s what I did—because of what I saw, what I felt, and what I’ve learned to look for:
↳ Delayed formal action, while keeping a protected legal trail
↳ Reframed the conversation around capacity, not character
↳ Clarified boundaries while offering choice in support
↳ Trained the manager on how to follow up without overstepping
↳ And built internal escalation routes for trauma-related disclosures
✔️ Within 4 weeks, performance returned
✔️ Trust was re-established
✔️ The manager avoided unnecessary escalation
✔️ The team got back on track
✔️ And a talented employee stayed—when they were on the verge of leaving
This is what HR should be.
Not policy.
Practice.
Not templates.
Leadership.
And if you’ve ever wondered what trauma-informed HR actually looks like -
This is it.
This is me.
As your all-inclusive HR department for less than minimum wage.
Think you’re dealing with a performance issue?
It could be something much deeper.
Lets chat-
https://lnkd.in/eSXgRSX5
Founder of HR Habitat, award winner of "Best HR & Employment Law Consultancy, 2024" title. As featured in BBC Oline, BBC Asian Network Radio, Telegraph & more.ย
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